Game 4: They Only Had Eight??

"You Can't Polish A Turd"

One of my all-time favorite sayings. I first heard it in 1986 when I was washing my $350 Ford Fiesta my mom (God rest her soul) bought me right after I got my license. This car was a right piece of shit and someone walking by uttered, "You know, you can't polish a turd". As insulting as it was, they were right.

Last night's game was a classic "Turd Polisher". On paper, we won walking away, but we all know we shined up a stinker and came pretty close to disaster. 13 of us. Eight of them. A tie game in the 5th. We did previal, but in the future, lets leave the polish in the shinebox.

Bears: 14 Upperdeckers: 6

Season: 2-1 The Positives:

Hitting: Except for innings 2 - 5 which featured five ground outs to first in a row, we opened up a 6 run barrage in the first which was fuelled by an absolute bomb courteous of Jimmy "My Vagina Hurts This Week" Varian. They could have had 15 guys out there and it wouldn't have mattered. A nod to John "Calm and Collected" Malosh who busted his slump Ortiz style and Pete "Come Stuff My Prius" Lie for his base clearer. Lastly, to the bottom of the order for sparking a seven run sixth. Anchors away boys! Bottom dwellers UNITE!!!!

No Fold Factor: Even though it got touchy we stayed with it and did what we had to do in order to win a game we were supposed to. This team hasn't always done that in the past and its a real positive move in the right direction.

The Negatives:

Defense: We were less than stellar. Way, way too many errors and just basic "don't do it" shit that quite frankly I was shocked to see. I'll chalk it up to an off night but there's no way in hell we are going to remain competetive if we play like that against fully staffed teams. Not a chance. Shake it off, bang a fatty, pray to some idol, whatever...just get it out of our sytems pronto.

Ok its time for.... "The Geico "Bears" Player of the Game" Award!!!!

Each week the 'Cap will select a player who wins the G-POG. This award is for an individual(s) who displays outstanding play in the field, at the plate, or in the bar. It can be game saving, heroic, or maybe just shatting one's pants sliding into third. And now, presenting this weeks winner of the G-POG....(DRUM ROLL...) Adam "Take One For The Team" Slavin

Coming off a shit day at work and still barely able to flog the dolphin let alone throw a softball, Adam Slavin makes his way to the field, in uniform, to support his team. With sage wisdom, a "fuck you" or two for the manager, and some base coaching, he stayed off the field but in our hearts. One man, riding pine. Congratulations Adam, for the second time in a row, you are this weeks "Geico Bears Players of the Game!!!!!"

Each week The Bears head to Brother Jimmy's on 80th & Amsterdam for some ice cold $2 beers, shots of Patron, delicious wings and rib tips, an amazingly hot bartender, and God willing, tons of little monkeys crawling ALL over the place!!! During these endeavours, some interesting things can be.."Overheard at the Bar" .

This weeks episode: "Bennett's STUNNING Adventure"

Not one minute inside BJ's....

Bennett (turns to Rob and Pete): "That young lady behind the bar is STUNNING!"

Gotta love the rookies on the virgin trip. Classic.

Now, except for the two Sally's who bailed and the ever bar-elusive Johnny M, we had the enitre squad out. Absoultely amazing showing. Yeah, my asshole just returned to normal size from the ride up, but so what. Well worth it. And for those that had to leave, I gave up my ride for good reason. I HAD to watch what went down when three girls came in one of them (almost immediately) had her arms around our pitcher. Two cigarette trips later, said ladies bought us a round of shots and beers. Mr. Koufax was doing quite well for himself. Ah, the monkeys - they did come out late last night! Oh yeah, in the midst of all this, a certain newly aquired rather tall gentlemen seemed to be doing some sort of exploritory procedure on a blondes mouth whilst being wrapped in her legs. Hmmm.....

Want to hear more? Stick around next time. Other Business: Someone please tell me they have my sneakers and gray fleece. PLEASE?? I think I left them by, on, or near the bleachers and am hoping one of you may have grabbed them. Anyone? Bueller?

NEXT GAME: Wednesday, April 14th, 8:50 PM, Field #2 vs. Here Dogs

I am not even going to "scout" our next opponent. Who cares. We got away with one and a win is a win but were not a turd that needs polishing. We're the real deal, so next week, lets play like it.

Wings, tips, and turds to you all...

- James Buddy "Fuck It! I'm Staying!" Villani