"Sack the Fuck Up"
When I was about 15 I started baby sitting for some of my parents friends around our community. I didn't mind it too much then because it put a little money in my pocket and I knew where most of the porn was in some of the homes. But I knew I didn't want to do it forever. At my age now I still don't. I also don't want kids. But boy, sometimes on Wednesday's I feel like that's exactly what I have and what I'm doing and quite frankly, I am tired of it. The incessant whining, the excuses, the in-fighting, and the "Wah! My feelings are hurt" because some members may try to push one another to not be a pitiful squad bullshit ends now. I swear to God. If you were looking to be coddled you're on the wrong team. I understand it's supposed to be fun but the "It's ok Bobby! You'll do better next time" after the 20th basic error shit is back in Little League.
Sack the fuck up, stop sitting when you pee, and for Gods sake (and I can't stress this enough) LEAVE IT ON THE FIELD.
Bears 4
Dub Squad 10
Season: 2-3
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The Positives:
Pitching: Good to have 44 back on the mound. They didn't smack it around too bad and the hurling was what kept us at least close. Good job in some shitty conditions. Hopefully some run support is on the way.
Defense: I'm going to put this here despite the numerous errors just in case there's some leftover trauma in some from my opening salvo. See, I too can be nice. Now, the IF did a pretty nice job given the conditions. Other than a throwing error or two, I didn't notice any on the ground. Tommy "Busted Oakley's" O'Melia did a good job at 1b for our ailing JLew. And of course, I can't write this without mentioning the absolute web gem snare at third by Pete "Fuck You If You Think I'm Cooked" Lie. Ho-lee-shit.
On the outfield we weren't as strong as we usually are. It wasn't absolutely horrendous by any stretch, but we definitely had some communication issues and below average (for us) play. Not the end of the world and we'll pick it up next week.
The Negatives:
Hitting: "You may run like Hayes but you hit like shit". Captain Lou was right. We are awful at the plate. Well, we were last night. A big nod to the back to back jacks by John "RUN IT OUT!!" Malosh and Scotty "I Know How To Play" Foster, and Tommy O's killer belly-floppin' out of gas triple. Other than that, not too much to brag about. Yes, their pitcher was pretty good, but that's no excuse. He K'd four people and we got a grand total of 6 hits - none of which happened until the third inning. We're in deep shit of we don't change that. I will be making some line up changes. It's necessary and please, no one take it personally for the love of Christ.
Excuses: Please stop. We're human. We're going to fuck up. And if we do, just "my bad" or something. If we were as good at softball as we are at making excuses, they'd already be engraving our names on the trophy.
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Ok, its time for "The Gieco Bears Player of the Game" Award
Each week the 'Cap selects a player for the G-Pog, This Award is for an individual(s) who displays outstanding play in the field, at the plate, or in the bar. It can be game saving, heroic, or maybe just shatting ones pants sliding into third.
And now, presenting this weeks winner...(drum roll..)
Tommy "Get On My Belly!" O'Melia
"Hitting 10th with a 0-2 count coming on hard whiffs, Tommy O dug in and fought off the opposing pitcher denying him strike three. After numerous foul balls into various lakes and streams, Tommy laced a rocket into left field! With as much speed as a Eight Belles after the Derby, Tommy trucked hard around the bags and literally laid into third base bagging the Bears first triple of the season! This effort, as well as fantastic blocking and tackling at the 1B position coveted the award. Congratulations Tommy, you are this weeks "Geico Bears Player of the Game!!!!"
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This weeks episode of "Overheard at the Bar" will not be seen tonight. In its place is random douche commercials, The View, and general women-like bitching. Stay tuned for next weeks episode when hopefully something worth watching will air.
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Other Business: Pay Ken. Next week, I start naming names. I'm not kidding.
NEXT GAME: Wednesday, May 28th, 6:10PM, Field 2 vs. The Upperdeckers
I'm not even going to say it, but this should (I stress should) be like getting dumped by a very hot chick only to bang a Penthouse model the very next week. Enough said.
In summation:
Did this whole recap sound overly negative? Was it fun? Well, that was my point. Because the negativity we have going right now has to stop. Its a bad vibe and I personally have had enough. We're all good guys, no one is under contract, and for Gods sake, it is still supposed to be fun. Let's just try to loosen up next week and take it easy. I'll be the first since my head explodes from the get go. I promise. If we keep acting like d-bags like its getting to be, I'm handing the reins over and Adam can finish running things for the year. No joke.
Hugs and kisses...
- James Buddy "13 Guys, 13 Cabs Is Unacceptable" Villani
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