Games 15 & 16: The Return of the Suck

Don't be insulted. The above is pointing at the author of this here missive as well.

Well, interestingly enough, NASA breaks a story about astronauts being three sheets to the wind whilst in space. And just like a bunch of drunk astronauts, the good 'ol Bears came crashing back down to Earth. 7 game non-loss streak is over and we sit in the wake of a crushing two game sweep by a team that lost to the ever threatening Upper Deckers.

Jones summed it up quite nicely as we ambled our sorry asses of the field:

"That was the worst game I have ever been a part of. Not just with the Bears...ANY!"

Game 1: Bears 11 Vanguard 13

Game 2: Bears 2 Vanguard 19

The Positives:

Full Squad: We had enough to field a team. That's positive.

Hitting: Ok, there were some legit bombs to the short porch by John "Heads Out Of Asses Or I'm Gone" Malosh and Jose "I Vanish Before The Bar" Lora that were quite impressive. And hell, we did catch them and only lost by two in game one, but the damage was done. Even typing the words "game two" in this paragraph is grounds for being raped by a convict on Valentine's Day.

Pitching: That disaster had zero to do with pitching. Great job J. Two solid games and we didn't do anything but waste your effort. We owe you. Glad the wife and kid left. No woman or child should be subject to that kind of carnage.

The Negatives: ("It's Been Awhile..." Staind)

Errors: They were back. With an angry vengeance. I don't know if it was the three weeks off, we disregarded Vanguard based on the standings, or that just no one cared, but hands down why we screwed game one in the ass which mentally set us up for game two. I can count the two errors that cost us extra runs and mine at second is the one I will gladly admit. Without it, its a one run game. I won't name at least three others but do that math and at least we have a split.

Game 2: Just a shit show of epic proportions. From all sides except pitching. We may as well have traded our Bears shirts for US Post Office uniforms becasue we mailed it in on Cliff Clavin level proportions. God. Awful.

Bar Attendance: Well, if there was a grand championship for that we would be a fucking dynasty. Good times and bad nothing will stop us from cold Natty's, warm rib tips, and hot Ashley. Jose's David Copperfield act was a tad puzlling, yet somehow, we soldiered on.

(In announcer Voice:)

"Returning to the glorious fields of dust after a three week hiatus and with a 6 game win streak in tact, The Bears bent over and surrendered like the French. Armed with little desire and a whole lot of fundamental retardation, the Bears posted a nice pair of "L's" in the left column. But there was one bright spot - the consistent pitching of #17, Jason "Saw My Arm Off Now" Jones. With more errors than a Mexican spelling bee and a heap of infighting, he stood strong and tried to make them respectable. Congratulations Jason, you are this weeks "Geico Bears Player Of The Game"! (Raucous Applause)

**Note: I was going to reward Vanguard the GPOG but I just didn't have the heart.***

Other Business:

I still am not aware of what is in our Bears future in terms of make-ups or the playoffs. We are 6-5-2 now and while that may be enough to squeeze us in, the honest answer is I just don't know. So, "Bear" with me (ha ha) and when I know, you will.

Going Forward:

Reading back on this it may sound as I was being a little harsh. Well, I was, and for good reason. We still have a killer team and I don't EVER want to see a repeat of last week. Ever. So lets end it with this here column and be done with it. Its over, the score sheet is clean, and a brand new game awaits. So lets play like the squad that ripped off 7 in a row with nary a loss. Please follow this sage advice:

Bears on three...

Yours in teen Asian porn,

James Buddy "This Team Ages Me" Villani

GAMES 13 & 14: RECAP - How Sweep It Is!!!!

"Sweep the leg, Johnny" - Sensei Kreese (Karate Kid) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFlQNtL8F9s (Watch it. It rules.) You guys remember the comic "Family Circle"? Remember when the artist, Bill Keane would have "Billy" take over for him for whatever reason? I don't know, maybe he got blasted on a all night coke and hooker bender or something. Anyhow, "Billy" would take over and draw something clever (read: highly f*cking stupid) so Big Bill could sleep it off. Here at the 'Cap today, I sort of wish I had me a "Billy". I am emotionally and physically spent, hung-over, and mystified from last nights unreal occurrence and need a sub. When I woke this morning to the fiery BBQ laden turd knocking at my back door, I had to wonder if it was a dream. Sweep? Really? We took two? Yeah we did. And I am WIDE awake kids and so is this squad right now. In my tenure on this team, those last two games were probably the toughest we ever fought - pulling every move out our ass, with every single person contributing - hurt or otherwise. A teammate sent an email this morning that I would like to reiterate and repeat: "Today...I am proud to be a Bear." - A. Slavin Game 1 Final Score: Bears - 9 TNT - 7 Game 2 Final Score: Bears - 18 TNT - 14 The Positives Pitching: The return of #17 was an amazing one. Tommy John in his prime s*it. In that heat and in two FULL games, nary a falter. One walk. Yeah, that's correct, one walk. Perfect control, zoned on the "zone", and totally composed when the D was stuttering behind him. Just an outstanding performance. Defense: We faltered - a touch - BUT that's because we've set the bar so damn high that its going to be nearly impossible to do it every single game. Also, they hit some hard ass shots that were not gimme's in anyway shape or form. Yes, a few errors but again, we're human and its going to happen. The game was not lost or given away because of it by any means, and if anything, the big plays saved it. To mention a few - Peter "Pig Pen" Lie: You sir are a God of the hot corner. Seriously. I don't know if you all know this but last night, according to Slavin, one of our opponents apparently was a Georgia Tech standout athlete and personally mentioned Peter and his skills to the tune of "he's the best in this league and he killed us". Nice. Drink up Jolson. Also - Jose "The Crazy Juice" Lora had a major night in left. Top notch stuff. And lastly, the last put out from Jarret "Stretch Armstrong" Lew. That was a hit AND you had a guy running in front of you. Hitting: 27 runs in two games ain't too bad! And not to mention they came when they absolutely had to at the most crucial moments. Although we had a stretch in game two of 9 fly outs in a row, we still got the ones we needed, when we needed them. Of course, I can not finish this section off without a major bow to Jose. I mean, wow. Two unreal blasts in both games that I think even made John "We Miss You At The Bar" Malosh jealous. Not to be outdone, this only prompted John to destroy one if his own at a clutch moment. And speaking of clutch, hello Ron "I Almost Puked" Massucci. Not only did you serve a major blow in game one, your heroics and clutch timing after the intention walk of the pinch hitter was just insane. Bags loaded, two outs, we're down two, and you delivered with the double pretty much turning the game right there. If this were a crappy 80's teen movie, we'd be starting the "slow clap" right now. . The "Bears" Inning: Well, we did have it, but they had it worse. Sorry to see this thing rear its head, but at least it didn't eat us. Bar Attendance: I don't care what Spammer says - he caught an off night in the pouring rain and you know - last night was about us. Plus, we got the lovely miss Ashley proudly wearing the number two behind the bar!!! That's right boys and girls - we got a Bear running the joint! Ken, you get me and Rob those pictures ASAP - I'd like to incorporate them into a 'Cap. That was good times last night. Good. F*king. Times. Oh, Ken, you're insane. "Yellow Dress" had an unreal body. The Negatives: 6 - 0 -1 in the last 7 games warrant's yet another blank entry. Keep on rollin'.

"The Geico "Bears" Player of the Game" Award!!!! Each week the 'Cap will select a player who wins the G-POG and that player will be awarded a pin or a sticker for their cap/shirt to be proudly worn. Think of them as badges of honor - like the Ohio State Buckeyes on their helmets. **The ever increasing popular GPOG this week was by far the toughest to decide. So much, in fact, that I wondered why the hell I thought of such a retarded idea in the first place. Then I realized I was probably tanked on cheap beer and Patron. I pondered and pondered and though of three right off the top of my head that were deserving. In no particular order:** Jose "Back To Sanity" Lora: As mentioned above, insane catch's in the outfield and some serious stick. Ron "Please Bless Us With Your Comedic Talents Soon" Massucci: As leadoff, you were a dream. Game turning clutch double and a high lite reel play at 2B in game one. Jason "My Maturity Is Awesome" Jones: I mean, come on, 2 full games with that stuff says it all. Not an easy task and its what kept us in it. So - after wondering what the hell to do and knowing there were others worthy of it as well, I did what I had to do... And now, presenting this weeks winner of the G-POG....(DRUM ROLL...) The Bears (in announcer voice)"Two things stood in the Bears way from coveting the number 5 spot in the rankings: TNT and two wins. On Wednesday, they got their chance to prove the current streak was no fluke. With two hard fought games that came down to the end, the Bears emerged victorious. And the victory came with contributions from each and every player. Pinch hitting when injured, playing out of position, sitting when needed, clutch hitting, and heads up base running, are just the tips of the nipple of what each man put on the line. Congratulations Bears, you are this weeks Geico "Bears" Players of the Game!!!!!" (Raucous applause) Other Business: NEXT GAME: Wednesday, July 11th, 7:30 & 8:50 PM DOUBLE HEADER - vs. Vanguard - Field 2 Don't know what else to say boys. That was something else last night and this season is turning into something else. We got two more scheduled and three make ups before the coveted playoffs which, at this point, I think is fair to say we're in. But, lets stay focused, I'll stop flipping out (I swear this time!!!), and lets keep this thing going! Happy Fourth of July to you all! Enjoy the next week off and see you in two. Bears on 3... Yours in dugout aneurisms, James Buddy "Heads Gonna Pop Like Pinella" Villani