A Fresh New Start: 2008 Begins

A fresh and clean start.

The Bears 2008 season has begun. Game 1: A bad box of douche that was tainted with kitty litter, it has been discarded and left behind us. Game 2: The cleanest trim you've ever smelled, tasted, and lusted after. Let's elaborate... After coming off a heartbreaking opening day loss we rebounded and responded with what was quite possibly the beast Bears game I was ever a part of. We faced a pitcher who has got to be one of the top three hurlers in this league and opened up a 5-0 lead on him. But then, we watched it slowly slip away. Inning by inning. One run here, 2 runs there. Dub Squad chipped away until they tied it all up in the bottom seventh. Overheard in their dugout: "We're winning this one!!!". Oh really? With two outs, winning run on 2nd, and a 2-2 count, their #6 hitter drilled one to right center field. What happened next will go down in the annals of Bears lure. Jose "I Bring Balls!" Lora charged the ball, scooped it up, and with an absolute cannon, blasted it towards home plate. The winning run had just rounded third when the ball bounced once and landed perfectly (no shit - an inch or two either direction and we're in deep shit) into the waiting glove of Adam "Are Those Cleats?" Slavin. The ensuing collision resembled two men trying to gang rape Pig Pen but the ball was held, the tag was made, and an emphatic punchout was administered. Jubilation followed. With a momentum swing rivaling that of the 300 Spartans finally getting their asses kicked, we stuck two runs on 'em in the top of the 8th, and newly acquired LHP Bennet Koufax closed the door on the game with a K! Balls.

Bears: 7 Dub Squad: 5

Season: 1-1

The Positives:

Pitching: As mentioned, our newly acquired hurler is turning out to be what we were looking for. 1 walk in two games and only allowed 5 runs against last nights very hard hitting team. Welcome aboard 44.

Defense: Despite one or two errors, we were pretty solid. They smacked the ball hard and all around the field and yet we held them to five runs total. The infield play was good but none better then Pete "The Merritt Parkway Is My Bitch" Lie with a diving snag and off the knees b-b gun down to end the inning. Web Gem indeed. And of course, we can't forget the game saving gunning out the winning run play of Jose and Adam. Fuck. Me.

The Negatives:

Hitting: In the last two games our hitting has been pretty abysmal when you look at the book. Granted, we hit some good shots last night that just got tracked down by some exceptional outfield play, but overall, we look shaky. I'll chalk it up to rustiness but it won't last long. I do believe we'll come around because we have some talented big dick swingin' sons of bitches on this squad. I've seen it. Not the dicks, the swings

Ok its time for.... "The Geico "Bears" Player of the Game" Award!!!!

Each week the 'Cap will select a player who wins the G-POG. This award is for an individual(s) who displays outstanding play in the field, at the plate, or in the bar. It can be game saving, heroic, or maybe just shatting one's pants sliding into third. And now, presenting this weeks winner of the G-POG....(DRUM ROLL...) Adam Slavin AND Jose Lora!!!!!!!!

"Tied at 5-5 in the bottom of the 7th with the winning run on 2nd, the Bears were facing almost certain elimination. With a long hard line drive to right center, RCF Jose Lora put everything he had into a Baghdad bombing like precision throw to home plate. With the winning run charging hard, C Adam Slavin perfectly blocked the plate and held onto the ball as he was being ass reamed in the dirt. The result ended in the final out with no winning run scored, which led the Bears to an eventual win!!! Congratulations Adam and Jose, you are this weeks "Geico Bears Players of the Game!!!!!"

Each week The Bears head to Brother Jimmy's on 80th & Amsterdam for some ice cold $2 beers, shots of Patron, delicious wings and rib tips, an amazingly hot bartender, and God willing, tons of little monkeys crawling ALL over the place!!! During these endeavours, some interesting things can be overheard. This has spawned a new feature to the 'Cap! Welcome to "Overheard at the Bar" .

This weeks episode: "Dim sum and then some!"

Ken: "Buddy. You have to tell Jimmy V about "Take-Out"!

Buddy: "Really? Ok. So Jimmy, last year Ken hooks with this chick one week from the bar. She's got to be about 230. (Jimmy's eyes get real wide.) The next week, we're back as usual and Ken goes missing with his cell phone for a few. About ten minutes later in walks the same girl from the prior week, in to which I leaned over to Adam and stated, "oh dear. It looks like Ken ordered take-out". Worse part is, she lives RIGHT around the corner yet we get into a cab and he takes her all the way back to Hoboken!"

Jimmy V: "Good thing. He's got the room!" (referring to Ken's spacious digs)

This conversation then led to figuring out just how much said dish weighed. Apparently, I was off a few lbs.

Other Business: I have $20 left over form last nights carousing which will go towards three balls. Speaking of money, please make sure you settle your fees with Ken if you already haven't. Ken won't ask, so do it proactively. NEXT GAME: Wednesday, April 30th, 6:10 PM vs. Turner Sports We've seen them. We beat a MUCH better team last night. Let's take it to 'em while there guard is down because they have NO idea the high we're coming off of and the win we just posted!!! Great, great, great win last night! The first time in the history of this team we've been .500 so early. It feels fucking GREAT!!!! Yours in BBQ sauce slathered breasts - James Buddy "I'm Not The Best Weight Guesser" Villani